Thursday, December 30, 2010

A close encounter of the AFFIRMATIVE kind!

This afternoon I decided to treat my daughter and myself to a pedicure.  Kristen, home from college for just a few days, had been to the dentist using up her 2010 benefits in the nick of time.  I had an emotional morning with the closing of a difficult real estate transaction.  It saw my client break down in sobs when I delivered the news that her ordeal was over.  It's difficult for people who have lost their financial stability, retirement savings and dreams for the future with the plummenting property values of the past few years. And it's difficult for real estate agents on whom they depend to help them through the complicated process of avoiding foreclosure. I spent a bit of the morning in tears of my own, tears of relief and closure and compassion.  Humbled that I had been a part of helping her bring about the very best possible outcome in an impossible situation.

By the time Kristen and I got our feet in jetted tubs of warm water, I looked and felt like a train wreck.  Circles under my puffy, cry baby eyes, mascara smeared, hair I should have washed this morning but didn't have time to do.  There were several other people in the busy salon.  One woman looked vaguely familiar, but I couldn't place her.  Kristen and I read our magazines as the chairs massaged our backs and we received the DELUXE pedicure.  Heavenly leg massages with herbs, mineral scrubs, baggies of hot wax enveloping our feet...  Just what the doctor ordered! 

Then, unexpectedly, the vaguely familiar woman approached me.  I lowered my magazine, she leaned toward me and with her hand on my knee said,

"You are a beautiful, BEAUTIFUL woman!"

Before I had a chance to respond, she was gone.  Kristen stared at me and I stared at the woman making her exit.  What in the world?

Let me just say that I do believe that I am a beautiful woman.  Not movie star beautiful, but without too much effort I can put myself together attractively.  I'm blessed with good genetics (with the exception of the pesky fat gene) and almost no wrinkles in my 54 year old face.  But today, this afternoon, in my frazzled and tear stained state, I definitely did not have the appearance of a "beautiful, BEAUTIFUL" woman!  Certainly not to the extent that a stranger would make a point to come over and tell me how beautiful I am.  This I know FOR SURE!

So what was that all about?  I think that the woman knows who I am.  Perhaps she's a friend of Kerri's and has followed our blogs and Facebook postings.  Perhaps she's reading this now!  I think she is aware of the journey Kerri and I are on, to overcome once and for all our battle with the bulge.  

I have had numerous people comment to me how I have inspired them.  Random people who I am not particularly close to.  Out of the blue they will engage me in conversation about Optifit, dieting, health and fitness.  I have come to realize that there are many, many people out there watching me.  And being inspired by me.  It is a humbling and somewhat overwhelming realization, not unlike the emotional part of dealing with my distressed real estate clients.  People are depending on me!  What I'm doing is making a difference in people's lives! 

So to the woman who reminded me today that I am a beautiful, BEAUTIFUL woman, thank you!  Your kindness has helped strengthen my resolve to carry on and win the good fight.  For me, for Kerri, for my clients, and for all the people that I am not even aware of who are gaining strength and motivation by following my story. 

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Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Grandma Janna's Optifit Shakes are umm, umm GOOD!

This month saw me take TWO trips to Colorado.  The first one was a quick few days early in the month for the sole purpose of making gingerbread houses with my darling granddaughters, Rileigh and Khloe.  Then, my husband and son accompanied me for a Christmas visit.

Both times, I brought along my Magic Bullet blender and Optifit food.  I like to blend up my nutritionally engineered shakes in the blender with a few ice cubes.  They really are delicious!  The blender is LOUD, so it was impossible to be covert when mixing up a shake.  The little girls would always come running when they heard the sound of Grandma's blender, to help me drink my shake. 

Looking through some Christmas pictures this morning, I had to smile when I saw this one.  Two year old Khloe helping Grandma Janna with her shake.  ENTHUSIASTICALLY helping, I should say!   

And here you see a glimpse of my Big Why.  WHY I am doing this. I want to be around for a long, long time, fit and healthy and able to enjoy these beautiful little girls as they grow up.  It's the best, and most fun, motivation there is! ◦
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Bye Bye 35 and GOOD RIDDANCE!

At week 10 in my Optifit Journey I hit a milestone.  If you've followed along you will know the significance of 35 pounds to me.  If not, in a nutshell:  In early 2009 I joined a fun weight loss competition and lost 25 pounds.  The competition ended, and over the following year and a half I regained all 25 pounds plus a BONUS 10 pounds!  Ugh! 

As the pounds have been coming off since I began my Optifit journey in October, I have thought a lot about how dumb it was to regain that weight.  How all of this hard work I was doing now hadn't even got me back to where I was before I put that weight back on.

At my 10 week weigh-in, the fancy scale spit out my little paper announcing that I had lost a total of 37 pounds!  HOORAY!  That darn 35 pounds was FINALLY gone and I am now making real progress!  What an exhilarating feeling that was!  It was a good moment.

On a side note, I think the science of it all is fascinating.  When I had lost 21 pounds, and was a bit discouraged that I wasn't losing more, faster, I had a visit with Kristi Flicker, our registered dietitian.  Kristi whipped out her calculator and did the math.  Based on my metabolic testing when I began, I needed X number of calories each day to exist.  I was eating Y number of calories per day.  With a pound of fat being equal to 3,500 calories, I should be losing an average of about 3.5 pounds per week.  Well, some weeks I would lose 2, some 1, then 5....  But at week ten I had lost 37 pounds, proving that Kristi really does know her stuff!

I still have a loooooooooooong way to go.  But I am finding so many moments along my journey that give me inspiration and motivation to keep on keepin' on.  Life is good, and I am not going to settle for being a big marshmallow any longer! ◦
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Tuesday, December 28, 2010

A pivitol moment at the mall

Enjoying having our college daughter home for just a few days, my husband and I went with her to the mall in Spokane in search of a new coat.  We got to a department store, and all went in separate directions in search of post-Christmas bargains.  I looked for the Queen Size women's department and couldn't find one.  Not all stores have Queen departments, or Plus Sizes, or whatever name they give the clothes that fit LARGE women.  I decided to take a look through the normal-people-sized clothes.  I saw four tops that I liked and decided to throw caution to the wind and try them on in a normal-person-size extra large.  The first one fit perfectly, but it looked too much like an old lady shirt.  The second one was cute, fit pretty good except was too tight on my arms.  I almost got it anyway, knowing my arms are slowly shrinking, but decided against it.  The third one I couldn't squeeze my arms into at all, it wasn't a knit like the others.  The fourth one fit like a charm, I loved it and I bought it. 

Tomorrow, I will wear the first thing I have bought in DECADES in the regular ladies department at the store!  Yes, it's a knit.  Yes, it's a size XL.  But yes, it is NOT from the Queen Sized department!  I'm making progress, I see light at the end of the tunnel, and I LIKE it! ◦
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It was an ENORMOUSLY significant event!

December has been a busy whirlwind in my world.  I took two trips to Colordo, had an extremely busy month in real estate, and had to make Christmas happen for my family!  I haven't had time to blog, either here or on my real estate blog, and I've missed it.  I haven't kept up with my workouts, my eating schedule, drinking enough water, journaling, positive affirmations, ANYTHING!  It's so easy to get off track when I get off schedule.  I don't like not being in CONTROL!  I am still learning much and making progress, but have had a few slip ups.

I'd like to share an experience I had on Christmas eve that took me by surprise.  We were in Colorado, at my daughter-in-law's sister's house.  My two little granddaughters were joined by their five small cousins, and the seven kiddos were surprised by a visit from Santa!  Santa called up each of the kids and presented them with a gift bag containing their Christmas Jammies.  What fun!  Then he called up Kristen, my almost 21 year old daughter.  That was a surprise, she jumped on Santa's lap, and he presented her with some jammies, too.  He called up my daughter-in-law Trinity, and presented her with jammies to match Kristen's.  Next, to my horror, he called out my name, and handed me some jammies to match Kristen's and Trinity's. 

I say to my horror because never, ever, have I received a gift of clothing of any kind, that wasn't too small.  Whether a sweater, bathrobe, jacket, it didn't matter.  I would open it, be urged by the giver to try it on, and it would be too small.  Every time, as long as I can remember. I am hard to fit, short and round and bigger than people think I am.  Every gift of clothing would leave me embarrassed and humiliated.  EVERY TIME! 

I DREAD gifts of clothing like nothing else!

I thanked Santa and fretted about those pajamas the rest of the evening.  I was almost sick to my stomach dreading the moment when everyone would urge me to go put them on, and I would be spilling out of them.  Seriously, it ruined my evening.  When we arrived home, everyone put on their Christmas jammies.  Something made me decide to go ahead and try them on.  And do you know what, they FIT!  I can't explain the joy I felt that night and Christmas day, to be wearing matching jammies with my girls.  To be doing something a NORMAL person could do!

It was a pivotal moment in my life.  Why have I settled for living like I have been?  It's ridiculous!  I will keep moving forward, stay the course and never give up!  I'm looking forward to the new year, getting back on track, back on schedule, back into a controlled setting.  Stay tuned, it's only going to get better and better! ◦
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Thursday, December 16, 2010

What I like about my body - what do YOU like about your body?

The gym is NOT my favorite place to be. Not fun.  I am seriously out of shape. 

SERIOUSLY!  As in a big marshmallow. 

My feet have issues, my knees have issues, it hurts.  I whine.  I moan and groan. I complain as I strain.  I would always find myself apologizing to my trainer, either Chad, Cate or Kristi, for being such a whiny baby.  Last week after one such episode Cate said to me that it was ok, she just didn't like to hear me say that I can't do something.  That stopped me in my tracks,  I asked her if I really had said that.  Said those words, "I can't."  She assured me that I had, and it upset me.  I am all about positive mindset and releasing negative energy.  If you haven't, you should read my former post about the importance of positive affirmations. 

After that I made the decision to only think and say positive things in the gym.  No more whining and complaining.  My next appointment with Cate, as she put me through the ringer, I said only positive things through my clenched teeth.  I would moan and groan only happy comments.  "I LOVE IT!"  "This feels so GOOD!"  "I'm getting STRONGER."

She giggled, I sweated and giggled.  We even laughed out loud a few times.  "I'm building LEAN MUSCLE!"  "I'm a lean, mean fat burning machine!"

I definitely had more fun that day.  Cate said she remembered a class in college where they had to write out positive affirmations, and thought that perhaps that would be something good to have in the gym. 

As I was finishing up on the last machine, she asked me to tell her what I like about my body.  That came out of left field and took me by surprise.  Perhaps she was testing my determination to be only positive.   I thought for a moment and came back with "I have thin ankles."  Then, "I have a waist."  It may be large, but I do have a waist....  "I have a pretty face."  I thought of one more, but I'll leave that up to your imagination, it had to do with the "girls."

Cate never really commented one way or another, but it got me thinking about what I like about my body.  The biggie: I have a magnificently healthy body, all things considered, which I have done nothing to deserve.  I have abused my body by subjecting it to a condition of morbid obesity my entire adult life.  My knees are bad and my feet hurt, but can you blame them?  However, at my blood test prior to beginning the Optifit program in mid-October, the only red flag was low vitamin D.  Cholesterol, glucose, everything else - GOOD!  That is truly amazing considering my body composition was more than 50% fat!  I'm taking a 4000 IU Vitamin D supplement daily, and feeling very blessed.

I continue to smack down my drunk monkey and the negative thoughts he tries to get me to listen to.  It's been fun thinking about what I like about my body.  You should try it. 

What do you like about YOUR body? 

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Wednesday, December 8, 2010

My husband, the jerk?

Over Thanksgiving weekend, my hubby asked me if I wanted to go see a movie.  I think the last movie I drug him to was Julie & Julia, and he hated it as much as I loved it!  He's more into action thrillers, the louder and noisier, the better!

We decided to go see Unstoppable, the runaway train movie.  As it got close to time to head for the theater, I verbalized my unease about my ability to go enjoy a movie in the theater without eating hot, buttered, movie theater popcorn.  That has always been part of the experience for me.  He didn't acknowledge my comment, and off we went.

No sooner than we had cleared the ticket counter, he headed for the concession stand and ordered a large buttered popcorn!  I stared at him in disbelief, and I think my jaw was even gaping open.  I didn't say a word, he saw me looking at him incredulously and said, "What?  I'm hungry." 

I didn't say a word.  In the couple of minutes it took for them to fill his order, take his money, make his change and send him on his way, my mind was racing.

My first thought was something like "What an insensitive jerk!"  I felt hurt because he wasn't supporting me by not eating popcorn in front of me knowing I love it and wouldn't be able to eat some, too.  Seriously, what a jerk! 

But then my mind went to thinking that what I choose to eat or not to eat should have nothing to do with whatever anyone else around me is eating.  It's my choice, and if he wants some popcorn, who am I to be so weak and whiny that I demand he abstain because I have to?  It's not his fault he's healthy and fit and can eat like a horse and stay slim and trim! 

Finally, I closed my gaping jaw and realized that I am blessed indeed to have a loving and devoted husband of 36.5 years who has always supported me in anything I chose to do.  This would include my abstinence from cooking for him for the past couple months.  Including that evening, when he didn't have dinner and decided to eat some popcorn while he watched the movie.  Yes, in front of me when I couldn't enjoy some too.  Well, I could have, but I chose not to. 

He has never said one complaining word about my extended vacation from cooking.  I decided I wouldn't say one complaining word to him, either.  We watched the movie as he munched that popcorn with it's heavenly aroma right in my ear.  Oh, how I wanted some.  DANG!  But I actually did enjoy the movie minus the popcorn and scored another victory.  Janna 1, Popcorn 0. 

And then, I went on to a 4.5 pound weight loss that week, which is SO much better than hot buttered movie theater popcorn EVER was! ◦
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Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Goodbye FAT CLOTHES! Well, kind of....


Having lost 31 pounds, I went shopping in my closet for clothes I haven't been able to wear for a while, and in some cases, years!  I scored big time in my closet, and pulled out of a box that had moved with me from Colorado in 2008, THREE pair of brand new jeans I had bought on sale when I couldn't quite fit into them.  I had planned to get a few pounds off at the time, years ago. I didn't, and I totally forgot about them.  I tried them on, and they fit!  No such luck with dress slacks.

I tried on lots of stuff, and decided to purge my closet and my life of my FAT clothes. Things that have become baggy and saggy. Like all my decent slacks for work.  Lots of tops.  A skirt and a jacket.  Goodbye fat clothes.  I ended up with 75 items in my purge pile, including the baggy outfit I wore the day before and all my fat summer clothes that will be miles too big next summer.  I bagged them up and immediately drove them to the thrift store, and didn't look back.

Having said that, with STILL more than 100 pounds to lose, every piece of clothing remaining in my closet can appropriately be categorized as fat clothes, but they aren't AS fat!  And I'm NEVER going back!

The past couple years, I have seldom worn jeans.  Something about looking like the broad side of a barn!  (Which I still do, just a bit less broad...)   But those of you who cross my path in the next little while will notice me in jeans a lot. 
  
And now you know the rest of the story!

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Monday, December 6, 2010

It was a GOOD weigh in! And I rejoiced!

When I weighed in on week 6 at the halfway point in the 12 week Optifit program, I had a weekly loss of 5.5 pounds!  I was happy, but less than enthusiastic, which I explained in an earlier post.  Half of my brain believed that it was some kind of anomaly.  Perhaps I drank less that day than prior weigh-in days, or I had on clothing that weighed less. 

There must have been SOME explanation besides
simply having dropped 5.5 pounds of fat that week. 

The following week, Thanksgiving week, I actually ate some real food off my meal plan, and other crimes, which I also confessed in an earlier post.  When I showed up to weigh in last Wednesday, I was secretly praying that my weight wouldn't be UP, that I would have at least stayed the same.  I was dumbfounded to see the fancy scale spit out a little paper that said I had lost 4.4 pounds!  Yes, indeed, I had lost 10 whole pounds of fat, not muscle or anything else, in two weeks.  And a total of 31 pounds since I began.

I hugged everyone I could get my arms around, and rejoiced!  I had Kristi Flicker, the beautiful, smart and perky Optifit Dietitian, hold up her model of 5 pounds of gross fat, as well as her model of 5 pounds of lean muscle. 

It is amazing to me to think that in 7 weeks I have lost
more than SIX of those disgusting 5 pound globs of fat!
 


I am thrilled!  And I am so grateful for this amazing opportunity to jump start my journey to good health and fitness.  THANK YOU, OPTIFIT! ◦
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Monday, November 29, 2010

FORK FOOD, Hooray!

It's been a week since my last update.  I'll bet you thought I finally ran out of things to say, but actually it was just a busy week for me, then the snow came, and Thanksgiving, and I enjoyed a few days of down time!

Last Wednesday, I weighed in with a 5.5 pound weight loss!  Holy smokes!  Talk about motivational!  It was Thanksgiving eve, and helped to fortify me against the over indulgence of bounteous feasts of traditional culinary delights!  In fact, I didn't cook, at all.  My guys, having cancelled their ski day due to bitter cold, went to our neighbor's to feast while I stayed happily home and watched movies in my Snuggie by the fireside.  The snow was softly falling, and did I mention I weighed 5.5 pounds LESS than I weighed the Thursday before?  Did I mention that I was happy, content and didn't care that I wasn't feasting?

What would cause a 5.5 pound weight loss that week?  What had I done differently?  The only significant difference I can identify is the introduction of FORK FOOD!  After 6 weeks of meals with no silverware required,  the week leading up to my weigh-in included the introduction of some hot entrees!

Disclaimer - my hot entree fork food still comes out of little paper packets.  They are reconstituted with minuscule amounts of water.  The "eggs" in the photo are reconstituted with 3 ounces water.  They are hot, and not exactly delicious, but they are REAL FOOD, kind of. 

At my 5 week evaluation, I was surprised to find that I could start ordering fork food as part of my meal plan.  That scared the bejeebers out of me for some irrational reason.  Thinking back, it was because I felt like I had conquered food, the power it had over me, I was happily sipping my shakes and eating my two nutritionally designed meal replacement bars each day.  I was in control, in the groove!  Why change things up now and risk falling off the wagon?  I declined to add fork food to my menu that week.  I was scared of it.

The next Wednesday, after hearing my sister Kerri comment about how nice it was to have something hot to eat, I took the plunge and ordered some fork food.  Beefsteak Pasta, and Cheesy Eggs.  I'll bet money that there is no steak, or beef in any other form in that pasta, although I did identify about 5 elbows of what looks like real macaroni!  I am pretty sure there's no cheese in the eggs, in fact, not sure there's eggs in the eggs.  Nevertheless, I have thoroughly enjoyed them both, although the eggs do require a dollop of salsa to bring them up to enjoyable status.

What could fork food have to do with my 5.5 pound big number week?  I can't help wonder if it's because the nutritionally engineered meal replacement bars that the fork food replaced are actually higher in calories, and higher in carbs.  That's my guess. 

I am not looking forward to this week's weigh in.  Although I successfully dodged Thanksgiving dinner, on Saturday I decided to eat a slice of turkey, some stuffing and spiced apples.  It was good, and I enjoyed it, but in hindsight I wish I hadn't.  I don't drink much pop at all, but over the 4 day holiday I consumed an entire 2 litre bottle of diet A&W root beer!  As well as a couple batches of my guilty pleasure - diet jello!  I also realized that I wasn't drinking water like I need to do.  I think I went a couple days without drinking ANY water.  Oh, and I confess to also eating a dill pickle!  And, I wasn't doing my affirmations and keeping track of my meal schedule and what I was eating, and when.  But I know I didn't overeat (or I would be running short of my little packets of food.  So all in all, I am pleased with my holiday weekend. 

I need to regroup and get back in the saddle, back in control of my food, schedule, water and mindset.  My brief and minor holiday diversion from my strict program and restricted carbs would have knocked the scientific mechanics of my fat burning machine out of whack for a few of days.  And such is life.  At least I didn't decide to take a holiday and simply eat with wild abandon, which a few times my drunk monkey suggested I do.  I may have lost a tiny bit of momentum, but I didn't lose any ground. 

Marching onward, fork in hand.  And now, I'm off to fill my water jug.... ◦
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Monday, November 22, 2010

"Why do you think that was?"


The medical supervision part of my medically supervised weight loss journey is being provided by Dr. Thomas Neil.  Dr. Neil himself went through the Optifit program a few years ago and lost 50 pounds or so.  I like Dr. Neil!  He also has a family practice and has now become the Scharf family's official  primary care physician.  This picture is from our first meeting.  Those of you who know my sister Kerri, who is on a parallel journey with me to health and fitness, know that she is never without a camera.  Even our first Optifit visit was a photo opportunity!

Last week, at our 6 week evaluation, everyone including Dr. Neil, was congratulating me on the great accomplishment of having lost 21 pounds.  I must have seemed less than overjoyed because everyone was also telling me that I needed to let myself be really proud of that accomplishment.  Which I was, but with SO MUCH weight to lose, 21 pounds is just a drop in the bucket. 

Dr. Neil, probing a little, asked why I wasn't more excited with my 21 pound loss.  He actually wanted a real answer.  Imagine that!  I told him that I have lost 21 pounds many times before.  I can't really see any difference in how I look.  He was kind of stubborn and seemed to want a REAL answer to his question!  Hmmm.  So I told him of my experience last year.

In January 2009 I was invited to join in at a neighboring real estate office when they launched a weight loss challenge.  We each paid $35 into the prize kitty, and would meet weekly for a lunchtime weigh-in and meeting.  Over the course of that 3 month challenge, I was the weekly biggest loser once, my team mate was the final biggest loser and as a member of the winning team I got a land fall cash price of $130!  I lost a total of 25 pounds.  Since then, in the past year and a half, I regained all the weight I lost and a BONUS ten more pounds!  So you see, until I lose 35 pounds, I'm not even back to where I was last year before I gained back the weight I lost.

                Why do you think that was? 

Another question from the good doctor!  And it stopped me in my tracks.  Again, he wanted an answer.  Why do I think that was.  Why.....    Why did I work so hard to get it off and then let it creep back on?  That's a REALLY GOOD QUESTION.  My reply, the simple, obvious and superficial answer, was this - Because I resumed eating with abandon.

Dr. Neil sort of chuckled at that and encouraged me to give some thought to the why.  That question has been on mind ever since, and I don't know the answer yet.  WHY did I resume eating with abandon?  WHY would an intelligent woman let that happen?  WHYIt is so absolutely ridiculous!

As I have given it some thought this past week, I don't know the answer, but I do realize one thing.  An epiphany of sorts.  The weekly weigh-ins and accountability WORKS to keep me on track.  It's the common denominator in my successful periods of weight loss.  I hadn't realized this before. 

I hadn't seen this picture of Dr. Neil and me at our first meeting since Kerri emailed it to me more than 6 weeks ago.  I have to say, for the first time I CAN see a difference in how I look now from how I looked then.  So now, I have to admit, I am a little more excited with my 21 pound accomplishment!  Just a little... 
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Saturday, November 20, 2010

Fish taco land mines along my route...

I had never even heard of Del Taco before moving back to Coeur d'Alene 27 months ago.  Since then, I have passed by Del Taco hundreds of times, probably thousands, and never gave it a second glance.  There are two that I pass by regularly.  One on Hwy. 41 in Post Falls, and Hwy. 95 in Hayden.  Had never eaten at one, and if I had died having never eaten there I couldn't have cared less.  Then a month or so before I started my journey to health and fitness via the Optifit program, an associate suggested we stop there from lunch on our way back to the office for somewhere.

That's when I discovered that Del Taco fish tacos are TO DIE FOR!  (Well, not literally...)  They became my new favorite thing to eat if I happened to be anywhere in the vicinity of Del Taco when I was hungry.  It's ironic that the Del Taco on Hwy 41 lies directly in my pathway from my home or office to the Optifit office and fitness center.  I pass by it twice each time I go to my Optifit appointments, or to their fitness center to have Bad Chad exhaust my muscles on purpose.  Once coming, once going.  The first time after I started my meal plan, as I drove past, it was all I could do to keep my car from driving through the drive through.  I wanted a fish taco so bad I could taste it!  I could smell it!  Ymmmm, the little piece of fresh lime to squeeze on it!  I wanted it, but I kept driving.  The thought of a fish taco taunted me as I went home, but again I just passed it by. 

The next week was a repeat.  There was Del Taco in my path, and I knew that right at the end of that drive-thru was a delicious fish taco just waiting to be eaten, and boy would I love to eat one.  I resisted again and reminded myself that when these 12 weeks are up and it's January, fish tacos will still be there!  They aren't disappearing from the planet! 

The fourth week, I noticed Del Taco and realized that the previous week I had come and gone to my appointment without giving Del Taco and fish tacos a thought!  I was amazed at that, and although I would still love to eat one, or two, they don't call out to me anymore from the drive-thru every time I pass a Del Taco.  Today I chuckled as I passed Del Taco in my travels and decided to snap a picture.  Victory!

                                    Janna 1, Del Taco 0
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Friday, November 19, 2010

Reflections on a Hershey's Chocolate Bar

Last month I put on my Gingerbread Queen persona and lead a workshop in the fine art of gingerbread house building.  It was the first weekend of my new Optifit meal plan, when I was still trying to get used to not eating. And kick the cravings for carbs. I shopped for a big variety of candy to use as decor and landscaping for the gingerbread houses, and one of the things in my cart was a multi-pack of Hershey's Chocolate bars.  Broken into sections on the lines, they make an awesome cobblestone front walk in the snowy front gingerbread yard.  (You can see a chocolate walk in the gingerbread house picture in my journaling post of a few days ago.)

After the workshop, there were a few Hershey bars remaining, and they were sitting on top of all the rest of my supplies and left over candy, in a big basket in the garage.  Awaiting a holiday gingerbread construction project with friends and family.  One day, I noticed a Hershey bar wrapper on the table and thought to myself that Derek must have seen them in the garage.  Then the next day I noticed one sitting on the table. 

Every couple of days or so, I would notice that same Hershey bar sitting in the same spot on the table.  We don't do much eating at that table, now that no one is cooking at my house most days.  It will get piled with mail, and newspapers, and laptops, and stuff.  Then it will get cleared some, and piled upon again.  But every day I would notice that the chocolate bar remained, untouched, in the same exact spot. 

Last weekend as I was house cleaning, I decided to clear the table completely, and there was that chocolate bar sitting in the same exact spot.  It must have been right there for a couple of weeks, maybe more.  So I chose to leave it right there, kind of as a statement that it might as well give up.  I wasn't going to eat it!

What is so very interesting to me is that never once in all that time did I wish I could eat that chocolate bar.  I never desired that chocolate bar.  Didn't crave it.  Was never tempted by it, or felt deprived that I couldn't eat it up.  Never moved it, it made me feel powerful to let it be there and have no power over me.  I took a picture of that pitiful chocolate bar on it's semi-permanent spot on my table.  It had been trying to seduce me - and failed miserably!  (What is noteworthy here is that historically, many a chocolate bar has attempted to seduce me, and achieved great success!)

I noticed yesterday that the chocolate bar is now on the kitchen counter, someone ate a part of it, and left the rest sitting there. Took them two or three weeks to decide to go ahead and eat it, and even then they didn't have to eat the whole thing.  That's how normal people behave!  ◦
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Thursday, November 18, 2010

Real, live proof that one really CAN lose 100 pounds!

Every Wednesday night after our Optifit weigh-in and a visit with the doctor, or dietitian, or nurse - depending on the week - Kerri and I attend a support group meeting.  Good times!  People at varying stages of their individual weight loss journey.  I have jokingly been calling it our fat persons group therapy, but need to knock that off.  It's the working-on-our-mind component of our physical transformation.  We get educated in a casual and friendly setting about making the lifestyle and mindset changes that will lead to permanent victory in our battle of the bulge.

Last night, my new friend Cheryl mentioned that she is down 98 pounds, and this next week will reach the 100 pounds lost mark!  

100 pounds!  This week Cheryl will step on the scale & see the needle mark a 100 pound milestone!

Living proof that if one stays the course, it will happen.  It seems so allusive to me right now.  I can't even count how many times I have attempted to lose weight.  Always get some off, always get all of it, and more, back.  I have never been a normal, healthy weight in my entire adult life.  But that was then, and this is now.

After 6 weeks in the Optifit program I am down 21 pounds.  Hooray!  My excitement is tempered a bit by the knowledge that I have lost 21 pounds dozens of times before.  I have a long way to go, still more than 100 pounds.  But I'm on my way, and with Cheryl as my inspiration, this time next year you will see me, like Cheryl, tucking my shirt in and wearing a belt!
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Wednesday, November 17, 2010

I'm Janna and I'm BOLD! Positive affirmations and giggles...

Right about the time Kerri and I had our on-camera Biggest Loser casting interview, I began an 8 week coaching program, BOLD.  As we jumped through hoops and waited, I was learning how to live my life by DESIGN rather than by default.  Business AND personal.

BOLD was a big cost and a big time commitment - one full work day each week along with copious amounts of homework assignments that also took a large chunk of time.  And the kicker was that we each got a strike for every uncompleted homework assignment, and three strikes meant you were OUT!    No ifs, ands or buts.  And if you didn't complete all of your homework and got a strike, it affected your team.  About 25 associates from my Coeur d'Alene Keller Williams office traveled to Spokane to participate with about 100 people.  I didn't DARE not do what was expected...

Coach Brian Combs was awesome, and BOLD changed my life.  The first morning, Coach Brian asked how many of us listened to daily affirmations.  Two hands went up.  He then enlightened us that we ALL listen to affirmations every day.  Problem is, most of them are negative affirmations that our drunk monkey constantly puts in our heads.  I can't.  It's too hard.  The market stinks.  It won't work.  I'm too fat.  Blah blah blah.  All day, every day, our drunk monkey is filling our minds with self doubt that we end up believing to be reality.

Thoughts of your mind have made you
what you are and thoughts of your mind will
make you what you become from this day forward.
Catherine Ponder

In our BOLD materials, we had a CD with positive affirmations, and the homework assignment to listen to it every day.  The positive affirmation CD we all received seemed so silly at first!  I would listen and repeat as I drove along in my car, giggling to myself.  Wondering if the people beside me at the stop light could hear me.  "I like myself!"  "I get things done!"  "I think happy and positive thoughts!"  "I'm a money magnet!"  You know what?  I began to notice random good things happening in my life, both personal and business.  My husband noticed it to, and still comments about it.
 
How do you normally think and talk to yourself.  Most likely, you have limiting beliefs.  Did you know that brain wave tests have proved that positive words make our "feel good" hormones flow freely?  These same neurotransmitters stop flowing when we use negative words and thoughts. 

The word is not just a sound or a written symbol.  the word is a force, it is the power
you have to express and communicate, to think, and thereby create the events of your life.
Don Miquel Ruiz

I recently decided that for my weight loss journey I needed some positive weight loss affirmations.  I compiled a bunch I found on the Internet into a list I am using every day.  I started reciting them all, everyday, to nice soft music which is supposed to help transport them into brain cells, or something.  I don't know how it works, and I don't really care, I just know that it does work.  Now, I pick one affirmation each day, write it out 10 times and post it in front of me at my desk.  Here's today's:

                Every day I am feeling thinner and looking better!

Call me crazy if you want but it works.  I still giggle at most of them, but then I smack down my drunk monkey and carry on.  Coach Brian would be proud!


I enjoy being healthy!
My body is getting stronger, slimmer, and healthier everyday!
I am losing weight effortlessly and easily!
I am losing weight today and everyday!
I am in the process of reaching a healthy weight!
I do everything I need to do to achieve my healthy weight!
I see myself at my healthy weight and I achieve it!
It is easy for me to stay on my plan to achieve my healthy weight.
Each day I automatically and successfully eat healthier and healthier!
I lose weight systematically and I keep it off permanently!
I love my physical body and I treat it with the respect it deserves.
I feel thin, alive, healthy and beautiful.
My weight is within my own control.
I am beautiful and desirable now.
My body is a beautiful temple.
I am getting stronger every day as I build muscle.
Every day I am feeling thinner and looking better.
I love being healthy!
Every day in every way I am getting slimmer and better.
I love exercising and making myself healthy.
Every day I am getting closer to my ideal weight.
I enjoy food that is healthy, balanced and making me thin!
I now claim my birthright by having a healthy and slim body.
Losing weight comes easily and naturally to me.
I am fully committed to reaching my ideal weight.
If others can lose it, so can I.
I am on the road to health and fitness.
I realize that success comes through my efforts and hard work.
I push myself to success and prosperity one day at a time.
I think before eating.
Healthy foods taste better.
Slimming in a healthy way is my priority.
I picture myself at my perfect weight.
Every day I eat fresh fruits, vegetables, low fat foods and whole grains.
Nothing tastes better than slim.
Whenever I step on the scale I see that I have lost some weight.
My dreams come true.
I have the willpower to persevere with my goal until I lose the weight.
I am comfortable, confident and at ease in all social situations.
I eat moderately and pay attention to what I put in my mouth.
I am beautiful and that beauty is reflected back to me.
I am thanking God for providing me the inner power to get slim.
I am filled with energy and vitality.
I choose to be healthy and slim and full of energy.
I drink lots of pure fresh water.
I am feeling thinner today.
I love going for a walk.
I am losing weight now.
I make no excuses.
I look and feel lighter today.
I build lean muscle and I burn fat.
I love the feeling of making progress!
I exercise daily because it makes me feel fantastic.
Losing weight is effortless.
I enjoy myself in physically active ways

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Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Conversations with the Sunday Pot Roast

Weekends are the hardest. I am fortunate that I have a husband and 17 year old son at home who are quite capable of fending for themselves at meal time. During the week, I don't cook. We three are always running, usually in different directions. But when the weekend arrives, we find ourselves at home. Especially Sundays, when we venture out for church but generally spend the remainder of the day together, at home.


So I cook.

For example, this weekend I made a big pot of Taco Soup on Friday night, so Rick and Derek would have something hot and hearty to eat for a few days when they searched the fridge for something to eat. My son Derek is a bean pole at 6'1" and 140 pounds. Rick is 6' and about 175 pounds. I'm 5'4" and have more than 100 pounds to lose. Both of them can eat me under the table! On Sunday, I made a pot roast. This was the third pot roast I made in the month that I have not been eating real food.

Why so much pot roast?
The answer is kind of funny. BEFORE this Optifit diet, I was grocery shopping at Costco and bought a pack of three small pot roasts, and put them in the freezer. I have not spent much time at the grocery store since. So when Sunday rolled around I was able to just grab a pot roast from the freezer, add some onion soup mix, potatoes and carrots and 3 hours later, voila! Dinner is served!

Smelling that roast roasting all afternoon is torture! I REALLY miss eating. I like eating. It's fun. It's pleasurable. It's a habit. It tastes delicious and pleases the senses. It has nothing to do with staying alive! I just plain miss the activity and pleasure of eating.

When the pot roast is ready to eat, they guys head to the kitchen, serve themselves on the kitchen counter and eat together. I will usually announce with just a wee bit of self-pity, "I know, I think I'll blend up a nutritious shake for dinner!" But then, at some point, I will end up in the kitchen, cleaning up and putting the leftover pot roast away.

The first time was the worst.
There was one tiny piece of roast stuck to the bottom of the pan. I stared at it for a minute and the dialogue began. One little piece. Not even a whole bite. How many calories could there possibly be in that little half-bite? Zero carbs. DANG it looked so good, delicious, succulent. I have been completely faithful to my meal plan. The conversation in my mind with that fragment of pot roast was racing fast and furious as I stared it down. Really now, seriously, what possible difference would it make to the outcome, to my weekly weight loss tally, to eat that one tiny bite of delicious pot roast that was pleading with me to pop it into my mouth?


The answer, really, is none.
That little bite would have made no measurable, significant difference in my weekly calorie count or nutritional intake. But that wasn't the point. The point is, I wasn't supposed to eat it. I was supposed to be able to make a choice, to be in control of what I ate, and when, and how much. To plan what I eat, and eat what I plan.
THAT'S the point.

By not popping that bite into my mouth, I achieved a significant victory. One of many to come. And it is becoming more clear to me that the value of eating the meal replacements is really to remove food from our lives temporarily. This way, we are able to clearly see and experience all the cues and triggers that normally would lead us to pop food in our mouths. THAT has been startlingly eye-opening.

And every Sunday, I have the same conversation with the pot roast. Except for the Sunday I had a similar conversation with a turkey meat loaf. I really was poised to take a bite, just one bite, because I had given myself permission to have just one bite. Just then Rick walked by. I asked him if he thought really, it would make any difference if I had just ONE LITTLE BITE of that nutritious turkey meat loaf. Without pause he said, "That's the same thing an alcoholic says to the bottle of vodka...."

He was right, of course.

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Monday, November 15, 2010

The journaling homework - I did good for a while!




I have a lot to catch up on since I am finishing up my 5th week but just starting my blog. What better place to start than the beginning?




10/12/10 - Started Optifit today. The breakfast bar and shake were good. That's a relief. Feeling a bit worried about my ability to stick with it for the long haul. Need to listen to my weight loss affirmations and smack down my drunk monkey!
8:00 Bar and shake, water
11:30 Hot Chocolate
1:53 Peanut Bar and Berry Cream
5:40 Chocolate shake
8:30 Pudding
10/13/10 - Up early, very full, stressful day, running nonstop, solving problems for everyone. Stuff out of left field, non-stop! Today I missed food. But not really hungry, the Optifit "food" is good and satisfying. I miss eating!
10 /14/2010 - Insane crazy busy day. Up @ 4:00 and never paused.
10/15/10 - Two closings! Still crazy busy. Trying to keep up meal SCHEDULE. Must do better!
10/21/10 - Another hectic few days with mom's illness that ended up with gall bladder surgery. Big distraction from life, work, everything, but I stayed the course!
I survived the Gingerbread House workshop I presented on Saturday. Up to my elbows in royal icing and a boat load of candy I shopped for but never sampled. I had my first weigh-in yesterday and lost 7# my first week. Sweet! Feeling a little lighter, happy to have had a perfect week. (Oops my gingerbread picture landed in the wrong spot on the top of the page, still trying to figure this all out....)
I haven't had the constant "empty" feeling of the first few days. VERY tired of all the "food" being sweet! Bring on the savory, the crispy, the fresh! At dinner we get our only non-sweet meal - powdered soup from a little packet we reconstitute with 8 oz. water. I fantasize all day about my soup! There are 4 kinds, and in my opinion, 3 of them are vile. (No one else I've talked to shares that opinion, by the way...) It's chicken noodle for me! It's very tasty and has a few fragments of veggies and some minuscule noodles that are little more than floaters in some savory, non-sweet broth! Yummmm.
Today was my first fitness consultation and introduction to the gym equipment. Gulp. How did I get so far out of shape? I am a big marshmallow. Look out muscles, it's party time! Time to rock and roll!
I realize I am an "all or nothing" girl, as Kristi Flicker, my dietitian calls it. I can stick to the very strict eating regimen and not falter. It's when I have to add back real food and transition to normalcy that I will really find out what I'm made of! I have been craving a fish taco at Del Taco... Why?
Each day we get 8 things to "eat". Two nutrition meal replacement bars, and six other meals/snacks in powder form in a little envelope. Supposed to eat a bar and a shake for breakfast, a bar and a shake for lunch, soup and a shake for dinner with two snacks thrown in. Eight things. I have found that every day, running hither and yon, I rarely eat two things together at one meal. I drink a shake when I get up. Eat a bar in the car. (Hey, that rhymes!) Whip up a shake mid-morning. Grab my bar as I dash to the car, and so on. One at a time. I will have to find out the disadvantage of spreading them out like this.
(OK, now my food photo flew up to the top, too. What's with that? Every day I put 8 items into my little neon yellow lunch bag. That's my food for the day. I don't have to think about it again. No planning, preparing, thought. Hungry? I just reach into my bag and pull something out. Definitely won't work forever, but for now, it's working. I'll worry about later, later. I have been tempted to toss one of those bananas into my little lunch bag, but Janna Banana can NOT have a banana. Wonder why they haven't done a banana flavored Optifit smoothie?????)
Jello - the bonus bedtime snack! I blew it! I bought two 4-packs of the little sugar free cups, a week's worth, to eat one each night. Over the course of the weekend I consumed all 8 little cups!My drunk monkey told me that it was no big deal to have 2 instead of 1, or 1 at lunch and 1 at dinner because there are only 10 calories in a cup. Big deal! Well the big deal is that it was supposed to be ONE in the evening. Let's have some discipline! So in 12 days, that's the only thing I have put in my mouth that was not on the plan, Too much sugar free jello. Pretty good, but I really need to smack down that darn drunk monkey. Discipline! I have restricted myself from anymore diet jello. Get a grip!

Tune in next time for the riveting first installment of "My Conversations with the Sunday Pot Roast."

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It was bound to happen!


This morning I was making a mad dash through the break room to the restroom, which is a frequent occurrence when one is drinking gallons of water each day. I happened to brush past Larissa Kesling, who is an agent in our office that works from home. I hadn't seen Larissa for a while. I said hello as I passed her in my dash, and was nearly at the door when she called out to me. I stopped and turned back to see what she had to say.


"Janna! You've lost a lot of weight! What have you been doing???"


It was bound to happen! At some point, someone would be able to tell that I have lost some weight! I know I've lost weight, but I can't see any difference in the mirror. My clothes are a bit looser. But really, I haven't lost enough yet that anyone would notice. Except that Larissa DID!
Meet Larissa Kesling, my new best friend. The first person on the planet to notice that I have dropped a few pounds!

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Sunday, November 14, 2010

The incredible journey begins!




This incredible journey began last March when I got a wild hair to head off to Portland to an open casting call for The Biggest Loser Season 10. My sister Kerri was a good sport and agreed to come along with me. A road trip sounded like fun, a weekend diversion, and perhaps a shot at changing our lives!

What a disaster it was! We weren't prepared for a long day in line, in the rain and cold, no chairs, no food, no water, no warm clothes, no clue. We got in line at 8 a.m. and were numbers 1499 and 1500 to get in the door and have our brief encounter with a casting director, about 10 hours later. That's a story for another day....

We came home wiser, and having made a few new friends in line. A few months later, a mysterious email popped into my box, a VIP Pass for another open casting call in Portland for Season 11. Said I could bring 4 fat (I'm paraphrasing) friends or relatives and go to the front of the line. Hmmmm. I called Kerri, she had other plans for the weekend. I wasn't in any hurry for a repeat of our frigid day in line, but then it did say go to the front of the line... then I realized that my hubby had a certificate for a free hotel stay in Portland. I found a friend to come along and I set off again.

This time EVERYTHING went right. And that's another story for another day. I got home Saturday night, and got a call from the casting director to come back the next day for an on-screen interview. She said they were looking for related pairs, and asked if my husband needed to lose weight. No, but my sister is my partner. How about my parents? No, but my sister is my partner! How about my kids? No, my SISTER is my partner! So Kerri and I, along with my 16 year old son, set off for Portland AGAIN first thing the next morning.

Again EVERYTHING went right. In fact, everything in the process over the following weeks went right. It stretched into a couple of months of communications and hoop jumping with the casting department before finally learning that the network did not select us to be on the show.

We were pretty disappointed, because we knew we were SO CLOSE! Kerri, who writes a weekly newspaper column in the Coeur d'Alene Press, mentioned our close call with fitness fame. She told her readers to stay tuned for our Plan B. We didn't have a Plan B yet, but as a result of her column, we received a couple of generous Plan B offers.

And that brings us up to the beginning of our Optifit journey. We have been working with the wonderful Optifit staff for a month now. So far, so good. An incredible journey, but we're really just getting started on our road to health. I will catch you up on these past four weeks in the next few days as time allows. Pictures, too! But here's a sneak peak ~ at my four week weigh-in the other day I was down 18 pounds. It's a start!
It's not spandex and a sports bra on a giant scale on national TV, but the photo of Kerri and me in the driveway as we prepared to set off for Portland is pretty darn unattractive! I'm proud of myself for posting it for you all to see...

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